LEAVING PLANS

Many battered women leave their partners three or more times. It can take a long time to break emotional bonds. Going back doesn't mean I've failed. It just means I wasn't ready to leave yet.

The following behaviors should warn me that a "safety plan" needs to be developed:

	My partner uses alcohol or drugs in a state of rage and depression
	My partner has extreme rage about my leaving him
	My partner hunts me down and harasses me
	My partner threatens that the violence will escalate
	My partner uses such statements as, " I can't live without you; " I'm going to end it all; " I'll kill you if you leave me."
	My partner has a past history of homicidal or suicidal behavior

 

The benefits or reasons to leave:

	Safety from mental and physical abuse for myself and/or my children
	Increased feelings of control over my life
	An increased sense of independence
	More self-respect, self-confidence, and a sense of identity
	Increased peace of mind

 

I should ask the following questions of myself as I develop a safety plan:

• Am I knowledgeable about the shelter, legal, and welfare options in my community?
• Do I have reliable transportation?
• Do I have the number to a hotline for abused women?
• Do I know about restraining orders?
• Do I have a friend that I can "safely" call if things get really bad? Can I identify myself to my friend? Is there some sort of code that the two of us could devise?
• Can I predict what will happen to me if I do leave? What should I anticipate and plan for now?
• Does he know the whereabouts of all of my friends or relatives? Whose home might be considered for a safe refuge?
• Whose whereabouts does he know? Would they set up a communication linkage with me in the event that he looks for me there?
• What can I do so that I'm not found?
• In the event that I need to go to go to another state, do I have national shelter phone numbers?
• In the event that I need to leave hurriedly, do I have and extra set of keys for the house or car?
• Do I have access to money? Credit cards? Do I have blank checks?
• Do I have quick access to all important documents, like birth certificates, social security cards, car registration, etc.?
• So I know what toy or blanket will make my child feel secure?